Episode 318: Are You Too Nice As An Actor?

Podcast Episode Summary

Is it possible to be “too nice” in the entertainment industry?

A listener asked me to tackle this topic, and I’m diving in today. 🎙️

As an actor, creative, or performer, you’ve probably heard:
❓ “You’re too nice.”
❓ “You need to be more aggressive.”
❓ “Don’t be a pushover.”

💡 But what does that really mean? And how do you balance kindness with assertiveness—without getting taken advantage of?

👉 In this episode, I break down five key strategies to help you set boundaries, make decisive choices, and stand up for yourself—while still being a respected, professional, and kind person in the industry.

🔥 Does Being “Too Nice” Hold You Back as an Actor?

There’s a fine line between being:
✔️ Kind vs. People-Pleasing
✔️ Assertive vs. Aggressive
✔️ Generous vs. Getting Walked On

💡 Actors & artists often struggle with this balance.
✔️ We want to be liked (which can lead to overcommitting).
✔️ We fear burning bridges (which can stop us from setting boundaries).
✔️ We hesitate to speak up (because we don’t want to be seen as difficult).

But the most successful actors & creatives know how to stand their ground while maintaining professionalism. Here’s how.

📌 5 Strategies to Balance Kindness with Assertiveness

1️⃣ Set Clear Boundaries (Without Guilt)

🔹 Being kind does NOT mean saying yes to everything.
🔹 Define your limits—work hours, communication styles, project involvement.
🔹 Communicate clearly: If email doesn’t work for you, say, “I prefer text updates.”

💡 Pro Tip:
If you struggle with saying no, memorize this phrase:
👉 “Let me get back to you.”

✔️ This buys you time to assess the request before saying yes.
✔️ It prevents overcommitting out of guilt or obligation.

2️⃣ Be Assertive, Not Aggressive

There’s a big difference between assertion and aggression.

💡 Example:
Someone once told me: “You’re very aggressive.”
I responded: “No, I’m assertive.”
They stopped, thought about it, and agreed.

🔹 Assertiveness means: Stating your needs with confidence while respecting others.
🔹 Aggressiveness means: Dominating the conversation and disregarding others.

How to Be Assertive Without Being Pushy:
✔️ Use "I" statements instead of "You" accusations.
✔️ Express your needs clearly & confidently.
✔️ Maintain respect for others while standing your ground.

3️⃣ Align Generosity with Strategy

Being kind & generous is great—but it should also align with your career goals.

🎭 Example: Bryan Cranston describes auditions as “dropping off the gift of your talent.”
✔️ Go in confidently showing how YOU would interpret the role.
✔️ Be open to adjustments & collaboration.
✔️ But don’t overgive your time & energy where it’s not appreciated.

💡 Win-Win Mindset:
✔️ The industry needs talented actors.
✔️ You ARE a talented actor.
✔️ You’re not just asking for a job—you’re offering a solution.

4️⃣ Be Decisive & Solution-Oriented

Nice people often hesitate when making tough decisions because they:
❌ Fear making mistakes
❌ Worry about hurting feelings
❌ Want to keep doors open

🚀 Decisiveness earns respect. In this business, confidence in your decisions shows leadership and professionalism.

💡 Truth Bomb:
✔️ You will make mistakes.
✔️ You will learn from them.
✔️ You CAN handle the consequences.

Be empathetic but firm. The best acting—and the best business decisions—come from embracing conflict & resolution.

5️⃣ Hold Others Accountable (Without Excusing Unprofessionalism)

🚫 Kindness is NOT an excuse for accepting bad behavior.

If someone:
❌ Fails to follow up when they said they would
❌ Disrespects your time or talent
❌ Repeatedly crosses your boundaries

👉 Follow up. Call it out. Know when to walk away.

💡 Lesson Learned: I used to justify when people treated me poorly.
✔️ I made excuses for them.
✔️ I thought I deserved it.
✔️ I let people walk all over me.

🔥 Not anymore. And you shouldn’t either.

✔️ Respect yourself & your time.
✔️ Expect the same from those you work with.
✔️ If someone doesn’t uphold their end—move on.

🚀 Your career is YOURS. Don’t let others dictate how you’re treated.

🎯 Recap: How to Stop Being “Too Nice” & Start Owning Your Career

✔️ Set Clear Boundaries – Kindness ≠ Saying Yes to Everything.
✔️ Be Assertive, Not Aggressive – Confidence earns respect.
✔️ Align Generosity with Strategy – Offer value, but don’t overgive.
✔️ Be Decisive – Fear of mistakes holds you back.
✔️ Hold Others Accountable – Stop excusing unprofessionalism.

💡 The Goal? Emotional self-sufficiency. Knowing your worth and advocating for your success—without guilt or fear.

🚀 Need help becoming more assertive in your career?
👉 Book a Free Consultation with Me!

💌 Let’s Connect!

📩 Book a Free Consultation with Peter
🎤 Find me on Instagram: @actingbusinessbootcamp
🔥 Join my Acting Business Boot Camp & Voiceover Discord

💡 Final Thought: Being nice isn’t the problem—being too afraid to stand up for yourself is. Learn to balance kindness with confidence, and success will follow. 🎭✨